Perimenopausal Diet Tips for That Beach-Ready Body

(Oh, you’re in trouble now)

I’m actually cross that you even chose to read this, given the title.

No. No diet tips. We’re done with that.

We are too old for this nonsense. We’ve spent decades believing that if we just lost the weight, we’d finally be happy, confident, popular, enough. We know now: it’s simply not true.

How old were you when you were first body-shamed (even inadvertently) by someone? I was seven. Mrs Green, my teacher, made a comment that stuck. The shame, the embarrassment. I should be smaller, I thought. I grew to 6ft tall, I was never going to be smaller.

All Those Bloody Diets

It’s time to shake off the ‘80s and ‘90s beauty and diet myths we were groomed into — heroin chic, thigh gaps, “can you pinch more than an inch?”, the F-Plan, Atkins, Paleo, Slimming World’s red and green days, Weight Watchers points, and the weekly weigh-ins we dehydrated ourselves for just to drop a pound. Each plan demonising different foods. Branding foods as ‘syns’ to create guilt and shame.

What were we doing to ourselves? How much time did we waste thinking and worrying about food and weight when we could have used that brain space for joy?

We are done. That remarkable body of yours, stretch marks, muffin top and all, has kept you safe your entire life. It’s time to treat it with care, compassion, and respect.

And no, I’m not saying we should all start mainlining cream cakes (unless you want to). It is important to keep our bodies healthy as we age — walking, swimming, lifting weights, practicing getting up off the floor (that’s actually really important). These are pre-emptive, to help our bodies last as long as we need them to, and can be done without macros, micros, and fasting apps.

Embrace ageing - take back your power

We were sold the idea that these diets would make us better, happier. Of course we were. Diet culture makes a shit tonne of money. Miserable people with low self-worth are cash cows for the diet and cosmetics industries.

See how often Pamela Anderson, who looks fabulous and has embraced ageing, is ridiculed in the media for looking “old.” It’s because women reclaiming their power doesn’t generate profit. It’s easier to keep us insecure and striving for unrealistic, AI-filtered standards.

As I used to teach in PSHE: Honey, not even the girl in the picture looks like the girl in the picture.

Of course, shaking off years of conditioning isn’t easy. It feels impossible for many of us. But we can start.

We should think about our diet — to nourish our bodies and to spark joy, not to punish ourselves. No more Slimming World cheesecake substitutes. Bring me a real cheesecake, please, with pouring cream on the side.

Eating nutrient-rich food helps build a strong, healthy body for the years ahead. Starving yourself to lose a few pounds? No. We’re not doing that anymore.

Our priorities now? Build strength, protect energy, honour hormonal changes, and get plenty of sleep. This is self-respect, not giving up.

If You Want Real Midlife Advice (From a Woman Who’s Living It):

· Eat for energy and joy, not aesthetics.

· Walk for your mood and with your friends, not for calorie burn.

· Dress for joy, not judgement (and always for comfort).

· Move because it feels good, not to “earn” food.

· Sleep like it’s your new hobby. Nap whenever you can.

· Hydrate — not with gin and tonic, with water (hydration sachets help it actually stay in you, not just run straight to your bladder).

You do not owe the world an effort to become thin. Been there, done that. If someone doesn’t like what they see, they can bugger off. We’re all just looking for peace now.

If you want to wear a bikini, do it. If you want to wear a kaftan, do it. Your body has carried you this far and done amazing things. It deserves to live, to be honoured, and to be loved.

So go to the beach. Swim in the sea. Let the sun hit your skin. Celebrate all your body has achieved. Love the wrinkles, the squishy bits, the soft parts.

Be proud of who you are.

You are amazing. You do not need to apologise for your body.

You are already beach ready.